Awesome Unique Gift Ideas

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a summer day at dore alley 2018, scott richard
Unique Gift Ideas
Image by torbakhopper

samm henshaw
the world is mine

one of the strange things to me that i’ve been hearing all my life is how “straight” people are heterosexuals.


isn’t this like saying HARVEY MILK is a HERO?
doesn’t it just SMACK of bad grammar and stupidity?
what a DITCH!!!! smear his name like dog crp everywhere you go. PLEASE don’t let that LOSER become a gay icon!!!!!!

i beg of you!!!!!!!

and who are these STRAIGHT people anyway and how did they come up with this IDEA about heterosexuality?

methinks IT’S FKING GAY!!!!

but that’s just me.
i kind of think that the REPRESSION of NATURAL SEX leads to fkt up social orders that, as a result of BAD GRAMMAR and the sickening side effects of using BAD GRAMMAR as a social code for behavior, end up kicking the sht out of themselves until someone is brave enough to MURDER the collective.

ah, history is so full of this sickness.

so i’m here to help. i know this in my “heart”.
even if it’s just fake and i’m only these words…

okay, CROSS SEXUALITY is when a man and a woman engage in any form of SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.

CROSS SEXUAL “INTERCOURSE” is a euphemism. no one is really sure what it actually means. it can mean a number of things and have regional flavors.

BUT CROSS SEXUAL UNIONIZING is not a euphemism. IT is very specific.

CROSS SEXUAL UNIONIZING is when a man ejaculates inside a woman with the possibility of CONCEPTION taking place. THAT IS >>> cross sexual UNIONIZING can "force" a REPRODUCTION. the REPRODUCTION becomes "property" in most societies.

and SEXUAL UNIONIZING is only “physically” attached to RECREATIONAL SEX because CONCEPTION can occur during RECREATIONAL SEX if prohibitions or alternate activities besides CROSS “PENIS2VAGINA" FUCKING (which is also not a euphemism, but is when cross sexuals get busy with it using a DCK and a VAGINA as INTERSECTIONALIZING UNITS — that is, like a vehicle making a delivery to a warehouse receiving that delivery). so SEXUAL UNIONIZING has a POINT or PURPOSE that is dangerous and devastating if you’re not ready to pay the price of reproducing and keeping the REPRODUCTION alive.

so stop being fking uptight.
and some of you are like, “it’s the miracle of life!!!”
and comedians were like, “so is sht coming out your AS…HLE”

and i was like, can’t we protect children from all this HATE and HATEFUL grammar that has embedded itself so deeply into our ACTIONS and our BEHAVIOR and our UNSPOKEN TRUTHS???!? why must sex be so MESSY when there are so MANY ways of generating a delightful sex life for all humans.

anyway, it’s pretty simple, kids. here’s the list for CROSS SEXUAL behavior, that is when one representative of the “male” sex interacts sexually with a member of the “female” sex:



THIS IS WHERE YOU CAN MAKE A BABY, which is the EUPHEMISM for the terminology UNION. it is PROCREATIVE and should RARELY happen.

this is historically the highest form of human sex VALUE because of its punishing outcomes — UNIONIZING changed the history of dynasties, houses, empires at all levels within society by LITERALLY forming UNIONS.

BAD BREEDING destroys societies. so CROSS SEXUAL UNIONS have been forged in the fires of USURY and TRADE AGREEMENTS and DOWRIES and land exchange and all manner of GILDED and GOLDEN payoff strategies. indeed, this form of UNIONIZING isn’t almost not so much about the sex at all, is it?

it’s about the OFFSPRING and property rights.
but we all secretly know this…

okay, the list of SEX BEHAVIOR that is NOT UNIONIZING!!!


DCK into MOUTH = CROSS SEXUAL behavior (you can’t form a UNIONIZATION from ORAL SEX, dummies!!!)
MOUTH into VAGINA = CROSS SEXUAL behavior (copy/paste: you can’t form a UNIONIZATION from ORAL SEX, dummies!!!)
MOUTH to BTT = CROSS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR (you can’t form a UNIONIZATION from this kind of ORAL SEX, dummies!!! but you can get hepatitis!!! so beware!!!! you can get vaccinated for this as well in many countries)
DCK into ANUS = CROSS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR (you can’t form a UNIONIZATION from BTT SEX, dummies!!!

you see, all of these behaviors GO EASILY ACROSS the sexes. it is ONE sex, recreationalizing with the other sex. there are no UNIONIZING ISSUES. and modern humanity has all manner of DISRUPTERS that reduce the risk of DCK2VAGINA sex being UNIONIZING and much more rewardingly RECREATIONAL.

AND, just for the record, there really is a BETWEEN SEXES category of sexuality. just because you don’t know about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist"

and FURTHER for this imaginary "record", this BETWEEN SEXES category — i refer to this amazing human as TRANSFORMATIONAL and i don’t limit their ability to transform based on the HYPER DISTINGUISHED models — is as ancient as all records of CROSS SEXUAL UNIONIZING. it is an ambiguous element (like SAME SEX FCKING that is ALWAYS and ETERNALLY born out of ordinary CROSS SEXUAL UNIONIZATION!!)

ALL HUMAN DEVIANCE is literally born from CROSS SEXUAL UNIONIZING if you’re going to create blame.

ah, irony and hate are so conjoined.

and the gift of hermaphroditism is so underrated!!! we are such BAD RECEIVERS of the divine!!!!!

sadly, these "differences" are just so rare that it scares the CRP out of the majority of humans because it LITERALLY PROVES and DEMONSTRATES that there is a MAGICAL range to our PEOPLE!!!! that we are bigger and better and more mysterious than the STANDARD.

in the film FELLINI’S SATYRICON, the original "university spring-break vacation" story ever written (no, seriously, and so damn funny, too!!! petronius was a fking hoot!!), there is a hermaphrodite that is worshipped for being an oracle.

and the idiot college kids kidnap this amazing human and end up accidentally killing “THEM”. which is devastating.

and at the same time, i have MAJOR issues with co-opting PREVIOUS ESTABLISHED pronouns for the transformational.

this was done by the FAKE gay community which repurposed PRIDE and the RAINBOW as a direct assault on the western CHRISTIAN CHURCHES. way to go!!!! let’s bring everyone together for a FIGHT!!!!

not this time, kids. we are here to have FUN, FUN NOW!!!!
this is the new mantra of the liberated human.
and it’s not about IRRESPONSIBILITY.
fun isn’t responsibility-free. that’s DISASSOCIATION, the high you get from being too drunk, too much on medz, too much on drugs, too much ESCAPISM.

no, FUN NOW requires 100% awareness (or a bare minimum of 92%).

anyway, in the FUN NOW crowd, there is a belief that UNIQUE sexes 100% deserve a special place where they are valued and cherished. not deified, but humanified further in our ability to see US in them, not them in us.

and we will back you up if you need presence and support.
it’s not, per say, our life, but it is our LIVES that matter.

and in my opinion, these people, and any who are persecuted for being born outside the STANDARD (sometimes called the mean) fking DESERVE a special and beautiful set of “pronouns” in grammar.

in my opinion, "US" and "WE" is so much better than the divisive and hateful choice of THEM and THEY, which is separatist and SELF EXCLUSIONARY.

currently those choices are operating like a weird denial, an uncomfortable BANDAID over a wounded and confused pronoun that will cause untold damage in the same way that ALLOWING harvery milk to represent ANYBODY or ANYTHING is stupid and only TRUE IDIOTS who can’t do any research and just adopt the ACLU hysteria and LIES about people. it’s so gross how UNWILLING people are to do ANY GD research about anything!!!!

and this MATTERS!!!!

much care and thought should be given. and the REACTIONARY vocabulary and grammar WILL NOT HOLD UP in history. it will fall in on its own shaky foundations.

instead, there needs to be GROUNDING and INTENTION that isn’t just RESPONSIVE and DAMAGED and PILLAGED and FILLED with the SHAME of others and their violence.

there needs to be LEGITIMACY and an ARGUMENT that DESTROYS the weaker minds’ power to hold the truth back.

anyway, CROSS SEXUALS need to realize that they FCK ACROSS the imaginary and REAL line between the sexes.
calling yourself HETEROSEXUAL is bullSHT.
get over it.

and calling yourself STRIAGHT is a fking lie. you CROSS the sexes.

in fact, the STRAIGHTS in true grammar are HOMOSEXUALS of either sex.
i get it, your mind is doing the tv thing where a hired talking mouth uses their jazz hands to mime an explosion…

fk that.

pick up the pieces of your mind and stick with me, because it’s HATEFUL to think of yourself as STRAIGHT if you’re a cross sexual.


because you call HOMOSEXUAL MEN things like:

can you imagine what it would be like if us "benders" played twenty seconds on the clock BACK at you?!?! i’ll give you three seconds off the top of my head…

lazy fish!
mommy’s little deer
reproduction slot users (RSUs)

being mean is fking easy.
and do we need more of this moral FKING hate and criticism?

or shouldn’t we rather being teaching good hygiene and sex lessons and techniques to bring people together?

isn’t the truth this simple?
methinks it is.

lastly, CROSS SEXUALITY is over-rooted in CROSS SEXUAL UNIONIZING philosophies.

it’s a TRANSACTIONAL philosophy/social construct where the body and the baby are the currency/threat/debt/fear. so much uncertainty and immediate dependency dreads rise immediately when UNIONIZING is EVERYTHING but the skin of most CROSS SEXUALS???

SEX FORCES UNIONS is the grammar code in play.
and we don’t really agree with this, so it gives lawyers a lot of room to MAKE DIVORCE into a trillion dollar fall-out industry with shrinks and hand holders…

and the rest of us are supposed to take advice from this kind of FKT UP cross sexual who thinks that sex is about UNIONIZING even though i still wake up everyday with a giant “WOOD morning to you too!!!” and i’ve never once CROSS SEXUALLY UNIONIZED?!??!! please don’t tell me that MY FKING BODY was only made for CROSS SEXUAL UNIONIZING. that makes me feel terribly lonely and does NADA for my BHONER.

so who’s really insane? my dck or people who are so uptight they won’t even acknowledge their own right to an erection being satisfied by all manner of alternate methods than having to FK my PROPERTY WIFE.

especially since we ALL FKING KNOW that UNIONIZATION accounts for less than .00000000000000001% of all SEXUAL concourse.
oh sht!!!!
burn!!!! such a burn!!!

think how many FKING BABIES there would be if everytime a cross sexual had sex it was UNIONIZING!?!?!??!!

hly FK!!!!!
we’d eat babies instead of cows!!!!

but i think you’re starting to see that even in this REORDERING of the grammatical DEFINITIONS, that sex between men is not only natural, but it’s also a benefit to the structure. i constantly hear HOLLYWOOD and MALE WRITERS creating this fake woman who loves sex and just doesn’t get enough. and then in real life, the vast majority of cross sexual men that i know complain endlessly about how their cross sexual life died after UNIONIZING.

boo hoo. one guy even went on about what he called "gay entitlement" as if it was a FUN CARD EASY PASS to unlimited and uncomplicated sex play if you’re gay. whaaaaaaaat???!!

so now, instead, these men cheat.
and this can start to take a toll if they cheat cross sexually.
cheating cross sexually is like a ship that’s been riveted with metal on metal. there’s a lot of bylaws that must go into place to get that metal to lock down. you gotta pay for it mentally, financially and spiritually.
so soon, many of these men start to know somehow innately that cheating with men has its benefits because it’s STRAIGHT ahead instead of CROSSING sexual — there is a SIMILARITY of need for the actually STRAIGHT male. (not the gay-reactionary FAKE straight male as currently defined)

for example, cheating man-on-man can be more:

** satisfying
** easier to access
** free from harassment & emotionalism of cross sexual sex
** it’s often over almost as soon as it’s started (yay!! on with the day free from sex anxiety issues!!!! the pump and dump agenda which is a MALE agenda, heheheh, not a gay agenda lol)
** more friendly and easy going
** repeatable without threats

and lastly, the number one reason

it’s COST EFFECTIVE (and again, this is the #1 reason for the new "STRAIGHT sex", hehehehhe between men)

consider it co-opted. we assimilate you back, 🙂

but seriously, you know i’m crazy and like to make good fun out of the things people take so wrongly for granted.

and don’t forget, ken wilbur used to claim that people could only take in 5% of what they heard.
that makes me laugh. he was so optimistic.

The Wellspring
Unique Gift Ideas
Image by kern.justin
Another image from a very famous place
Do we need another image from Tunnel View in Yosemite National Park? One could argue that after Adams took his iconic "Clearing Winter Storm, Yosemite National Park" in 1944 there has been little need to recapture the public’s imagination with the view of this grand valley from a simple roadside pull-out. Yet there is rarely any shortage of photographers and nature lovers peering out over the stone wall making memories and photographs of the valley’s major features laid out in such stunning symmetry. So then, what is the reason for snapping away (see below for proof of just how many people bore witness to the grandeur represented in this photograph)? Do we need more nature images of landscapes thoroughly inhabited and (theoretically) protected? Why is a culture so hell-bent on consuming and utilizing every natural resource possible even interested in nature photographs, especially of landscapes which have been (at least temporarily) spared from mining, drilling, clear-cutting and development? I have two answers to these questions – the general and the personal.
The Wellspring

The valley called Yosemite, and a few other spots on Earth, have served as the nursery for ideas. These ideas were the basis for a series of successful and unsuccessful marches in the name of conservationism and environmentalism. The valley was the gray-walled and sand-floored crib of Muir’s preservationism. If Muir loved the wilds before (and he certainly did) he came to Yosemite, he got so near to the heartbeat of the Earth that he wanted for the rest of his life to try and get nearer. The valley was the luminous, storm-ravaged epic landscape of Adams’ classic photograph – laid out like some glamourous nude, covering just enough with a lacy veil of fog and snowcloud to elicit excitement and inspire others to the same end as Ansel. Camp 4 was the cradle of the American love affair with rock climbing and the first rungs of Rowell’s ladder from a poor mechanic to influential photojournalist and world-explorer. Perhaps too The Valley has been the nursemaid to our love of hiking and exploring the wilder places of America as something, if not vocation, then more dear than avocation. Thomas Jefferson famously wrote, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is it’s natural manure." Conservationism did not die as some antiquated nineteenth century ideal, but it too must be refreshed from time to time. It’s night-soils were the words of Muir, the photographs of Adams, Rowell, and others. There is much yet in this world, and even in the Yosemite Valley, that needs protecting and conserving. I don’t know that my photographs will change anyone else’s mind about how to behave in the valley or in their own backyards, but I do know the process of taking photographs of this place has fixed in my mind the value of this wonderful place. The argument, therefore, is that ideas need expression and the continual flow of nature imagery is an effort to convince the apathetic and timid of the great value inherent in conservation. Great photography is a call to action, it draws the breath from our lungs and the blood from our hearts for a moment only to rush it back two-fold and inspire us to do more (by doing less) than gnaw with an axe at old, pine-perfumed gardens. Maybe Ansel’s was just an aperitif to some great and yet-unmade masterpiece more completely encapsulating the million-fold images, emotions and experiences that are Yosemite. Not all of us are going to make these still epics, however, and the reason to justify our personal photographic efforts are perhaps subtly different.
Making memories and photographs
The process of taking photographs is more about what is not in the photograph than what makes it into the frame. This is true in the compositional sense – often exclusion of extraneous elements and isolation of subject is the key to a successful photograph (a lesson I must constantly learn and a tree that is continually refreshed by the "manure" of deleting photographs poorly executed). This statement is also true in the figurative sense. These photographs are about more than their subject. They are about an amazing light show as dessert to a full meal of hiking and camping, they are about sitting at what seems like the top of Eden and enjoying a simple cup of hot soup as the blood-crimson of sunset gives way to steel-blue of twilight and finally to soot-black of night. They are about the fan-blade whoosh of ravens’ wings over the Pines campground and the long light of drawing winter skies in the high country of the Tuolumne Meadows – sundogs and all. The act of photographing is an act of personal education and change.

What I’ve learned in my time as photographer hobbyist is that you cannot collect or consume nature images. This is where I think most of us who aspire to wonderful amateur photography fail. There is an oft-considered difference amongst photographers between "taking" a photograph, like a vacation snapshot or a record shot of some event, and "making" a photograph through careful composition, consideration, patience and thought. So too there is a difference between remembering things and making memories. Stopping at a roadside pullout and clicking away at even the most gorgeous and tumultuous light shows of our Earth, only to pop back into the car and head out along a drab ribbon of asphalt is to take a snapshot in your mind’s eye and does disservice to the photograph, no matter how grand. If I could have told something to my younger self when looking to learn about how to make photographs, I would have told myself "Sit the $&#@ down and absorb the world you’re trying to photograph – you can’t photograph something you don’t understand and you won’t understand it until you let it in." I say all this because the photograph above of the valley from the famous Tunnel View pullout was populated with an enormous number of photographers, each very earnest and very serious and very talented. I counted at least two workshops going on and quite a bit of knowledge seemed to be in the offing. By the time I took the second photograph – my wife and I were alone. We had been alone for an hour by the time I took the fourth photograph on this post.

"Letting it in" is something different for everyone and I probably couldn’t teach it to my younger self, let along a stranger. It’s something like how Buddha can’t share enlightenment, but can only share the "way." It is a balancing act between imaging, imagining and observing. Compare the difference in the quality of the light between the photograph that leads this post with the one below (taken just a moment apart). The conservationists problems would quickly end if only he or she could bring all the skeptics, miners and misers to Tunnel View for a late-fall light-show and therein lies the dichotomy.

The Dichotomy of the Valley
Tunnel View is famous because it presents the major aspects of the valley so harmoniously. Yosemite’s scale seems to grow in proportion to its distance from the viewer. Half Dome is distant but towering, El Capitan is accurately represented as an impossibly sheer and impossibly beautiful slab of granite, some titanic slab table laid on its side, and nearest of all is the Bridalveil spilling fresh mountain run-off from the high country into a flower garden of amber- and ocher- and scarlet-leaved trees. The valley has just overcome the crisis of its birth, trees new and the cataclysm so near that water has not yet had time to erode its way, crashing instead from precipitous heights and providing our only clue of the impossible scale involved. I had made the pull-out having just hiked 12 miles of the valley floor trail that day and the complementary 10 miles the day before. In that hike I was struck with the out-of-place luxury of the guest resorts within the valley. To me there is something idealogical irreconcilable between a luxury hotel and a preservation of wilderness like Yosemite. I had many thoughts rattling around in my head while I took this last 16-minute exposure. I was thinking about originality, documentation, and the value of an image. The idea I wanted to convey was the dichotomy inherent to these national parks of ours. Yosemite village has a gift shop that sells purses and t-shirts and other trinkets designed to separate bused-in tourists from their money. The shop has a large plaque decrying how many plastic water bottles were consumed in Yosemite the year previous. The plaque is hung above a display selling plastic water bottles. Forever increasing pressure from the outside world to bring more visitors, to consume more wilderness, is one aim of these parks. In stark opposition is the initial, Muir-esque ideology of the parks – a preservation outside of development and the mar of humanity. So I waited for the last rays of twilight to fade and I left my shutter open for what seemed like an eternity, capturing the light pollution of a parade of cars, thundering past Tunnel View, casting their headlamps on the bows of nearby pines and then, on the valley floor, weaving through the gathering fog along the park road between the Pohono bridge and the northern park destinations; I imaged behind it all and above the valley the collected pollution casting a red pall on the sky like the representation of distant war by some Renaissance master.

To take a step back, and to put an end to my ramblings, it is hard not to take a good photograph from Tunnel View, or for that matter, of the valley. In two trips, I have been able to produce what I think are two rather unique images of the place (at least to the degree that any photographic act is one of creation or uniqueness): "The Dichotomy of the Valley" (above) and "We are Killers" (below). Far more importantly I spent two unforgettable evenings trying to absorb a bit of the grandeur in the thin and chilly mountain air. Had I to boil down the thesis here at play I would simply say that what is lacking in poor photography when compared to great photography are ideas and the successful expression of those ideas. The world is full of information easily found about how to successfully express a photographic idea, but often woefully short of fresh ideas themselves. This is why there was only one Muir, one Adams and one Rowell and why there is only one you. The reason that we need more images of nature, of Tunnel View, of the valley is that no two images are the same, they are all products of their respective creators and our thirst for brilliant creators is never quenched though the wellspring of Yosemite has provided amply. The trick isn’t to represent Tunnel View, but to represent yourself through Tunnel View.

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